Sex = jail time

I like having sex. It's fun, good exercise and depending on who you do it with, an emotional experience as well. Humans are in fact one of the few species that derive pleasure from having sex. Ergo, it has become more than a form of procreation, it is in fact an entire culture...a suppressed one over here, but still, a culture.
For as much as I like sex, I really don't like children. I hate to generalize on such a large group of the human race but for the most part it's true. In terms of my own reproductive abilities, I would really prefer never to utilize them. Not only because of my aversion to children but also because I just don't think I'd be a good mother. I have very little patience, prefer to make my own schedule around what I want to do, like spontaneous adventures and can't imagine giving up wine for 9 months. Oh, and I'm a nutty activist.
With that, if for some reason, my birth control failed me, I would more than likely opt for an abortion. And due to recent events in the good ole land of the free, I'd probably fly back to Sweden to do it. Even with the airfare, it'd be cheaper than doing it here. That, and I wouldn't end up in jail.
No, I'm serious.
A 32 year old mother of three living in Idaho faces a felony conviction and up to five years in jail for aborting a fetus. She said she couldn't afford to get it done at a clinic so she purchased "abortion drugs" over the Internet. In South Cackalacky (that's South Carolina for those of you not privy to the lingo), a Mexican migrant with three children was jailed for three months for using pills to induce an abortion. And in Iowa, a 22-year old was charged with "attempted feticide" following a fall down the stairs...authorities claim she threw herself down the stairs to terminate her pregnancy.
In all seriousness and disgust, I predict the return of back alley abortions using clothes hangers. What an enlightened fucking nation. As George Carlin once said, we want live babies so we can make 'em dead soldiers...with somewhere around 250,000 troops deployed overseas and this nonsense going on at home, how could you argue that point?
I have long felt that abortion should be as far away from any ballot as God, sexual preference and fidelity issues. I don't give a shit, I don't wanna know, tell me what you're gonna do for me and my country and leave your penis/vagina and bedroom tales out of it.
Sadly, that's not the case. This year alone, states have passed 64 new anti-abortion laws and introduced 900 new restrictions. Even without the new found stranglehold on women's freedoms and vaginas, horror stories have long been circulating about denied abortions, having to sit through lectures and atrocious images of aborted fetuses, doctors laying down guilt thicker than a double condom...and speaking of which, studies suggest that a vast majority of teen pregnancies result due to ignorance of proper safe sex methods. Instead...abstinence. Are you fucking kidding me?! When I was a teenager, I would get so fucking horny, I'd have to masturbate just to complete a sentence in my own head!
For a mostly far right leaning platform preaching ever smaller government, they sure want to know a shit ton about what your genitals are up to. Nosy fucking perverts. And it's no wonder - they must just be DYING for a good screw.
You can't fight nature - no matter how many prayers wrapped in self loathing emanate from your repressed lips. Your body will want somebody and if you're smart, you'll allow it that awesome pleasure. If you're a dumb ass, you'll probably end up bitter by age 30, raping little kids, ruining your mind and body with hate and repression or a combo pack of the three.
Like I said before, humans are one of the few creatures to enjoy sex...if you're a creationist, how do you explain that? If sex is to be a mundane function of propagating our disgusting species, why is it so much fun?!
If you don't want people to abort fetuses, why the fuck don't you teach 'em how to avoid getting pregnant in the first place?
If you don't want people to abort fetuses, why don't you support a better education system, better welfare, and less wars...you want live babies for sardined coffins...pro life and pro war....
My sincere belief is that all those who fall under that category should never have children, for they would make a far more twisted, sadistic and terrifying parent that I could ever become.

Abstinence costs $50 million

No wonder sex sells. It's a helluva lot cheaper than abstinence. Not to mention that it's been linked to multiple health benefits like boosting the immune system, curbing stress, lowering high blood pressure, burning calories, battling insomnia, and oh yeah, just being a damn good time.
Apparently the newly passed health care bill has a $50 million/year chunk just to tell kids that all of the above is off limits...until marriage.
According to the Department of Health and Human Services, programs that are funded by this bill must "teach that abstinence from sexual activity is the only certain way to avoid out-of-wedlock pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and other associated health problems." I can buy that. The only CERTAIN way to not die when you leave your house is to never leave your house, but we see how many even keeled folks follow that logic. They must also teach that pre-marital sex is "likely to have harmful psychological and physical effects." The only harmful physical effects I've noticed are the ones that come with a smile...if you know what I mean.
But, that kind of ruffage is probably the work of the devil anyway. Sex is for procreation. Oh, and god hates gays.
There is however, another $75 million set aside for "personal responsibility education" which teaches about both abstinence and contraception. It's nice to know that what could potentially save hormone crazed kids from having kids gets less funding than telling them "just say no." Have you ever met a teen? Have you ever been a teen?
One of my favorite memories from high school was when my psychology professor started class with saying, "I'm not gonna tell you not to take drugs. I'm gonna show you what they do and let you make up your own mind." I have respected him immensely since that day.
Choice is the catalyst for thinking. If you give someone only half of the facts, how can you expect them to make wise decisions? If you tell them what to do and don't allow choice, how are you teaching them? Trust that the minds you say you care so much about will be strong enough to handle the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me Trojan condoms.