Friday, October 29, 2010

A convenient catastrophe

The news headlines yesterday came just in time for Halloween. The story line is a bit different than Friday the 13th, but the creativity, costuming and plot twists are epic. I expect at least a few sequels.
Explosives found in suspicious packages were intercepted yesterday in England and UAE. The packages were bound for the US, in particular several places of Jewish worship in the Chicago area. Supposedly, the packages contained manipulated office supplies like printer cartridges with added PCB's (printed circuit boards) and PETN, "a highly explosive organic compound belonging to the same chemical family as nitroglycerin." The devices were to be detonated via cell phone remotely. Homeland Security called this a new way of transporting explosive devices, making it possible to Fed Ex or UPS instruments of death as opposed to carrying them on board with your cozy socks and Harry Potter book. Spooky huh? Terrorists are everywhere...
Ready for the really amazing plot twist? Just a few weeks after news of a $60 billion arms deal with Saudi Arabia had one or two Americans up in arms (or to be fair, maybe just the 8 of you that read this blog), the Saudi government were the very ones who are responsible...for averting this disaster! Ha, tricked you didn't I? You thought they'd be the ones just plain responsible? Oh no, that would ruin the whole story! In order to make our dumb shit decision look slightly less like stabbing ourselves in the back while taunting a snake, we have to make that snake look all warm and cuddly. What better way to do that than pull a 180ยบ on their character?
Not only that, get this, the Saudi government even gave us TRACKING NUMBERS for the evil packages, so our small little brains could find them easier. What mensches! I can see it now: a bunch of Hollywood writers sitting around a table, having a drink or two - as they drink, their ideas veer more and more towards the absolutely fucking absurd...well, here we are.
Ladies and Gentlemen, here we are. I've mentioned before in my posts that the government doesn't even make a valiant effort to veil their mounds of bull shit. They just hand them over to us, hot and steamy, and with a big smile on our faces we dig in and feed our brains the most ludicrous bending of the truth since Mark McGwire claimed from his tiny head perched atop his massive neck that he hadn't done steroids.
Honestly, what the fuck is going on? Do people really believe that these stories are true? That Saudi Arabia would go out of their way to save a bunch of Jews in Chicago? That they would somehow miraculously have tracking numbers for two random packages coming out of Yemen? That terrorist experts never thought of the chance of remotely detonating a package? That we are at any greater risk than we were two days ago before this horse manure hit headlines?
I'm not sure who I'm more pissed off at: the people behind this fabrication, us for being gullible morons or the Saudis for just being assholes. Our form of government dictates that it's b. Fuck US.

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