From alien tumors to dwindling rights, today is one helluva day for news stories. Here's your ADD news blast. Enjoy.
We come with cancer: A man underwent several hours of surgery to have a large tumor removed from his back, that apparently had tentacles, something doctors have never seen before, prompting the name "alien tumor." Scully, Moulder...we need you. (More on CNN.com)
Less rights, more patriotic: The House will vote today on extensions to the PATRIOT ACT, including allowing the FBI more leeway in wiretapping, access to library and other records (would really like to know what "other records" are), and drumroll please! Surveillance of "lone wolfs," i.e. people who have no connection with any terrorist organization...for example, me...I thought I felt like I'd lost something when I woke up this morning...huh, just more rights, par for the course. (More on democracynow.org)
Obama Inc.: Obama reached out to corporations today expressing his wishes to assist them in knocking down some irritating government barriers to their success...
"Now, another barrier government can remove—and I hear a lot about this from many of you—is a burdensome corporate tax code...
Which brings me to the last barriers we’re trying to remove, and those are outdated and unnecessary regulations. "
Yeah, fuck government regulations. Things work out so much better when we let corporations run rabid, inflate prices, knock down trade legislation...oh wait, no...that didn't work. For fuck's sake Obama, are you fucking kidding me?! I'm literally speechless. I'm sitting here staring at my keyboard wondering if there is any word in our vernacular that could express how fucking pissed I am...there isn't, so I'll move on. (More on democracynow.org)
Google power: Egyptian Google marketing executive, Wael Ghonim was released from a 12 day detention today, re-joining protestors at Tahrir square in Cairo. He is hailed as a key organizer in the online campaign against Mubarak that began the protests on January 25th. The internet has power, if wielded for things other than Farmville, porn and celebrity gossip. But fuck it, wacking off to the acquisition of a cyber farm is much more fun than starting a revolution...well, according to us Americans. (More on USAToday.com)
Paranoid DC: Washington DC lifted a 2 1/2 year ban on handguns, prompting more than 1,400 new registrations. The interesting fact: 90% of these new registrations were in the affluent neighbourhoods where crime is at an ALL TIME LOW. One man, who admitted he had never been a victim of a crime, said simply "You gotta be prepared." As a retired military man, he is. He now owns 2 revolvers, 2 semiautomatic pistols and a 12-gauge "combat assault shotgun." Hmmmm...are there fucking Zombies attacking Georgetown?! Did I miss that breaking news? Do the people living nearby him not also have the right to not live by a heavily armed loony tune claiming you gotta sleep with your eyes open? You're in fucking Georgetown. Since the handgun ban, crime has gone significantly down in the capital...oh, that's just a coincidence. Sargeant psycho will be ready and willing when those zombies come sneaking through his azaleas. Fucking christ. (More on Washingtonpost.com)
War-crafter: Chechen Warlord, Doku Umarov has claimed responsibility for the Moscow airport bombings, threatening more violence due to the "Russian crimes in the Caucasus." Caucasus and more specifically North Caucasus is a mountainous steppe region on the southern border of Russia whose history is marked with feuding clans and warring relations with Russia's government since Tsarist times. The region is mostly Muslim and Umarov has vowed "blood and tears" if Russia does not abandon and retreat from the North Caucasus region. His Jihad has two primary goals: to expel non-Muslims and implement sharia law, and to expand the jihad beyond the Caucasus. (More on Reuters.com)
Palin™: Sarah Palin is trying to trademark her name and that of her daughter, Bristol Palin. She was unfortunately denied due to the fact that she didn't sign her oh so special name on the forms. In her defense, I think it's still up for grabs whether she can read and write...maybe she could just sign an "X"...or hell, just put a target and crosshairs, that seems to be a trademark of hers already. (More on NYTimes.com)
Gluten free: China is experiencing and will continue to experience, a severe drought in the upcoming months, threatening not only drinking water for inhabitants and their livestock but also the wheat crop. China is the largest producer in the world of wheat - so grab some rolls while you can and start looking into some gluten-free options. You may need them. Also, while you're at it, build a bomb shelter and store some water - this fucked up international weather pattern can't bode well for any country or crop. (More on Washingtonpost.com)